


c'est la vie (c'est la mort)

by acciothirteen



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 04:41:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5116052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acciothirteen/pseuds/acciothirteen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Pseudoscience?" Lukas teased. Thomas rolled his eyes and Lukas can tell that he had this conversation a million times already. "Joke all you want, 201. Don't come running back to me when the ghosts starts to mess with you."</p><p>"What ghost?" Lukas asked, a smile still plastered on his face.</p><p>"The one who haunts this place. The Pianist."</p>
            </blockquote>





	c'est la vie (c'est la mort)

Lukas placed down the last box. He huffed and looked around the apartment, now filled with boxes containing his stuff from London. The furniture had been set up a few days ago (he thanked god for Miro's entire existence). Imagine if he still had to assemble that damn Ikea furniture--he'd rather sleep on the floor, thank you very much. He's tired and his body is really sore from moving boxes all day.

He walked around and checked the everything again, just in case. _You can never be too careful_ , a woman's voice rang in his head. He frowned and massaged his temples, cringing when he accidentally touched the bandage covering his stitches. He started to feel lightheaded.

He was about to head to his room to take a shower when there's a knock on the door. He groaned and opened it.

"Yes?"

A floppy haired boy with a wide, wolfish grin greeted him. "Hi, 201! I'm Thomas, you next door neighbor. Sort of. My room is across the hall so it's not really 'next door', but you get what I mean, right?"

Lukas blinked. Once. Twice.

"Oh, fuck, sorry. I talked way too much way too fast again didn't I?" He slapped his forehead dramatically. "Hi. My name's Thomas Müller. I live in 202 right across the hall. Pleasure to meet you." He extended a hand and Lukas shook it, eyebrows raised.

"Uh, hi, Thomas. My name's Lukas. Podolski." He returned his wide grin with his own hesitant smile. "Is that your real name?"

Thomas rolled his eyes. "I know, right? My name is _way_ too plain for my amazing personality."

This guy isn't really doing any favor to his growing headache, yet Lukas can't help but chuckle. "I see."

"Well, I just want to say hi and tell you that if you need anything, I'm right across the hall. And uh, be...careful," he added hesitantly. Lukas raised an eyebrow. "Of what?" Thomas shrugged. "Your room. This entire place. But your room, especially. They said it's haunted, can you believe that?"

"No, the real estate agent didn't mention that to me," Lukas replied. "But thank you for the head's up."

Thomas grinned. "Sure thing! I could tell you more about it over a bottle of beer, if you'd like."

"That'd be great, but I'm a bit tired now. Some other time, maybe?" Lukas replied with an apologetic smile.

"Oh, shit, right. You must've been exhausted. Sorry, I'll let you rest now. I'll see you around!" He took the older man's hand and shook it enthusiastically before he skipped back to his flat.

Lukas retreated back to his apartment, closing the door slowly. Well. At least his neighbor was nice. But he said something about this place being haunted? Lukas scoffed. He really doesn't have any time for this new age crap. He had enough on his plate already, he certainly didn't want to threw ghosts in the mix. Especially after...that.

He checked the time and swore. Miro would be here to pick him up any minute now and he really, really needed to take a shower.

 

***

 

He emerged from the bathroom, feeling better than he had been for the last couple of weeks.

He's rummaging through his suitcase to find a decent enough outfit for his first night out on the city, because Miro is a photographer and he really likes to take candid pictures, mostly to use as blackmail material to make his friends do good deeds (like church charities, dates for his family events, stuff like that).

He saw someone hovering on the doorframe and smiled; Miro's here.

"Hey, I didn't hear you come in. You've been waiting long?" he said as he put on his clothes. "Miro?"

The older man didn't say anything so he turned around and --

 

Well, this is unexpected.

Standing before him, is a man dressed impeccably in a three-piece suit. He's funny-looking--his nose is _huge_ \--but at the same time, incredibly attractive. He was staring blankly at a spot in Lukas' left, and if he noticed him gaping, he didn't show any signs of it.

Lukas cleared his throat. He still didn't budge. Lukas raised his eyebrows and waved at him.

"Hey, dude. Who are you and what are you doing in my apartment?" he demanded.

The man slowly revert his gaze to Lukas. He's pale and his eyes are a soft shade of green. He stared at him, eyes widened in a state of shock.

"You can see me?"

"I --"

 

"Hey, Lukas! Sorry I'm late. I just refilled my polaroid for tonight. There's this thing at the bar, where people dressed up in drags and stuff. It'll be hilarious, if you're up for it. Although--"

Miro's walking into the room with a big smile on his face, which faltered after he saw Lukas' expression.

" _Łukasz_?" he called carefully in their mother tongue. "Are you alright? You looked like you've just seen a ghost."

 

Lukas didn't know how to reply. Mainly because the attractive man in the three-piece suit just vanished before his eyes.

 

***

 

"Hey, are you sure you're alright?"

 

Lukas replied him with a drunken smile. They’re already at the bar, skipping dinner altogether. "I'm wonderful." Miro glanced at the empty shot glasses. "I thought you didn't drink," he said carefully. Lukas shrugged. "Yeah, well. That was before."

The older man watched as he downed another shot. "Want one?"

Miro shook his head. "Nah. One of us needs to stay sober. This city could be dangerous at night."

"Really?"

Miro nodded solemnly. "Yeah. I'll tell you some other time,” he replied vaguely. Lukas didn't push.

He took shots after shots, getting progressively drunk throughout the night. Miro kept the conversation light, limiting himself to two bottles of beer.

They got out on ungodly hours, Lukas leaning heavily on Miro. He mumbled things and then laughed to himself. The older man looked at him fondly, a trace of sad smile ghosting on his face.

Lukas doesn't really know how they got into his apartment. After a lot of fumbling, Miro laid him out on his bed, carefully taking off his shirt and jeans. He reached for Miro's hand.

"Stay."

Miro glanced at him, biting his lip. "I don’t know, Lukas."

Lukas pulled him into a kiss. He was drunk, and his desperation got the better of him. He didn't even realized he was crying until Miro pulled out for air.

"Stay," he repeated, a bit more desperate this time.

He needed Miro. He needed him to make it go away. The screeching sound of the brakes. Her voice as she screamed. His throbbing headache. The constant pull of guilt on his chest. He felt like he's drowning and Miro is the one thing that's keeping him afloat.

"Alright."

He looked up and their eyes met. With a hesitant pull, Miro pressed his lips

against his, slowly this time, soothing. Lukas sighed into the kiss.

The night went on and he got lost in tangled limbs and soft kisses, their body pressed against each other and he fell asleep, soundly, with Miro's strong arms around him.

 

He was safe, at last.

 

***

 

It was still early but Miro was already gone when he woke up the next morning. The weather was gloomy outside, the scarce light of the sun peering through the clouds.

His head was still pounding--even worse now that he's hungover. He found a couple of aspirins on the bedside table along with a glass of water. He silently thanked god for small mercies such as modern pharmaceuticals and Miroslav Klose.

He went to the bathroom and washed his face. He looked pale, his eyes a bit puffy from all the crying he had done last night. God, that was embarrassing. Though, at least, Miro won't judge; he's the kindest person that Lukas had ever met.

The point proved itself again when he wandered into the kitchen and saw a fresh pot of coffee and a brown paper bag, undoubtedly containing breakfast. The words _feel better_ were written on it in Miro's neat cursive. He really can't help the smile that bloomed on his face.

The smile faded a little when he saw what was inside. A smoked salmon sandwich. He remembered Lukas' comfort food. She must've told Miro. She used to bring it to him all the time from the restaurant she was working at.

His heart ached a little at the memory and he shook his head. It's been almost three months. He should try to get over it. Her. He kind of regretted not taking Miro's advice to go see his psychiatrist friend. But it would be a cold, dark day in hell before he would admit that.

He sighed and mentally checked his to-do list.

Unpack. Send out his CVs. Lunch with Miro.

He bit his bottom lip at the thought. Would it be awkward? They made out and he cried. A lot. He winced when he remembered how whiny he was last night. Maybe he should cancel...but then Miro would be worried and he'd come over to check up on him anyway. Fuck, he's so screwed.

At this point, Miro was pretty much his only friend.

 

After the accident, his other friends (and acquaintances and neighbors) looked at him with this _pitiful_ look on their faces and he couldn't stand it. Maybe he deserved it, but he sure as hell doesn't want it.

It got to a point where he blew up and screamed at everyone after the funeral, demanding them to _just_ _stop_ and _leave_ _me_ _the fuck alone._

Miro and Per pulled him out. Per held him in a tight hug while Miro comforted him, muttering soft word in his ears.

"I got you, _kochanie_ , I got you."

Miro, in many ways, was his anchor. He arranged Lukas' move to Munich, set him up with a real estate agent, and even helped pack up his stuff.

"You're not alone in this, you know," Miro said to him when they're on the flight back to Munich. He squeezed Lukas' hand and didn't let go until they landed.

 

He took a deep breath.

He'd survive lunch with Miro, he owed him that much.

He ate the rest of his breakfast with a quiet determination. He was finishing up his coffee when he heard a knock on the door. He sighed and walked over to answer it.

 

"Hey, Neighbor!"

 

Lukas restrained a groan. He can't handle this amount of cheerfulness this early in the morning.

"Hey, Thomas," he greeted back. "What can I do for you?"

He sighed and looked a bit sheepish. "I, um, sort of forget my keys? My friend got a spare and he's bringing them over right now. Would you mind if I stay with you while I wait?

Lukas hesitated for a bit. He doesn't know this guy, at all. He could be a serial killer. Or a kleptomaniac. Or somewhere along that line, because apparently that's just his luck.

But Thomas seemed nice. And genuine. And Lukas was pretty sure that he hasn't got any filter, so he'd be horrible at keeping secrets.

Besides, Lukas could use another friend.

"No, of course I don't mind. Come on in."

Thomas flashed him a grateful smile and walked in. He let out a soft off-key whistle as he took in his surroundings. "Nice flat."

"Thanks. Coffee?" Lukas offered.

A grimace flashed his features and he shook his head. "Actually, do you have some beer?"

"It's, like, 10 am," Lukas deadpanned. Thomas gave him a shrug. "With the night I had, I think it's allowed."

The older man raised his eyebrows and fished a beer out of the fridge. "Care to share?" he asked. He handed the beer to his neighbor with a smile.

"It's nothing, really," Thomas replied nonchalantly. He took the beer from Lukas' hand and leaned on the counter. "I've been chasing this ghost for a while now. I was in the public library and I was _this_ close--lights flickering and all that--and then the security guard saw us and he started screaming so my friend and I had to ran away. I guess that's when I lost my keys."

He downed a third of the bottle in one go as Lukas took in his words. "...You hunt ghosts?"

Thomas shrugged. "I was studying, I got bored. Might as well." He laughed when he saw Lukas' bewildered expression. "It's not as crazy as it sounds, actually. There's a science to it."

"Pseudoscience?" Lukas teased. Thomas rolled his eyes and Lukas can tell that he had this conversation a million times already. "Joke all you want, 201. Don't come running back to me when the ghosts starts to mess with you."

"What ghost?" Lukas asked, a smile still plastered on his face.

"The one who haunts this place. The Pianist."

 

***

 

Some alarms started to go off at the back of Lukas’ head. _The_ _Pianist_. Lukas instantly thought of soft green eyes, looking back at him. He shook his head. He felt his knees started to buckle and he took a deep breath to calm himself.

“Thomas,” he called slowly. “What does the ghost look like?”

The soft knocking on the door prevented Thomas from answering. He got up to open the door and let out a squeal when he saw who it was, and proceeded to tackle him with a hug.

“Manuuuuu!”

“Fucking hell, Thomas, knock it off,” the blond said, a fond smile forming on his face despite his words. “I got your keys. How did you manage to lose them in the span of 12 hours is beyond me.”

Thomas exaggeratedly rolled his eyes. “Shit happens, alright? Shut up.”

“Where’s your neighbor?” Manu asked, his eyes wandered around the room and found Lukas, still standing in the kitchen, trying to make sense of Thomas words. “Hey.”

Lukas snapped out of his trance and gave him a small smile. “Hi.” He walked toward the blond and shook his hand. “Lukas.”

"I'm Manuel."

 

***

 

Thomas, it turned out, was fucking hilarious. He made Lukas laugh harder than he ever had, probably in his entire life. Manuel, on the other hand, was incredibly dry and sarcastic, rolling his eyes every time Thomas made a particularly stupid joke (which is unsurprisingly frequent).

"So, Lukas," Manuel said. "What brings you to our fine city?"

Lukas tensed up a little before he plastered on a smile. "Oh, you know. I just needed a fresh start, and Munich seemed like a good place for that. So here I am."

He looked at Manuel and saw a peculiar expression on his face, but it was gone in a flash. The smile he gave Lukas was genuine, yet there was _something_ about it.

His heart suddenly raced and for a wild moment he thought that Manuel might have known about her and the accident.

 _That_ 's _crazy_ , he thought to himself. _We've just met_.

"Well, we have to show you around, then," Manuel said. Thomas nodded enthusiastically next to him. "Yes, we totally do. Are you free this weekend?"

"I think so," Lukas replied.

Thomas beamed at him."Awesome! We should watch the game this weekend!"

"Whoa, hold your horses, buddy. The game's sold out, how are we gonna get the tickets?"

Thomas rolled his eyes. "Please. You just have to put those baby blues into good use. I know for a _fact_ that Christoph is into you."

Manuel blushed a violent shade of red. "Shut up, he does not."

"Oh, he does." Thomas nodded. "David said so."

"Shut _up_."

"Wait, wait. Who's Christoph?" asked Lukas.

"Oh, right." Thomas slapped his forehead like he completely forgotten the fact that Lukas was there, despite the fact that they're in _his_ flat and drinking _his_ beer. "Christoph is the guy I mentioned earlier, the one who was with me at the library. Tall, green eyes, cute bunny teeth at the front. Manu wants to get into his pants."

"Thomas, I swear to fucking god," Manuel warned as Lukas and Thomas shared a laugh.

"But what does he had to do with this, though?" Lukas asked after the laughter died down.

"Christoph is an intern at Bayern's medical staff with our friend, David. They could get us some really good seats," Thomas explained.

"Which is why we should ask him instead," Manu countered.

"Yeah, right. And then you're gonna end up alone with a billion cats muttering about missed chances and wasted youth."

Both Lukas and Manuel snorted at that.

There was a knock on the door and Lukas got up to answer it, leaving Manuel and Thomas arguing in the living room.

He opened the door and Miroslav was there, phone is his ear, nodding along to whatever the other person is saying. He smiled when he saw Lukas, his eyes scanning Lukas' expression.

"Alright, okay. I owe you one. Thanks, Olli." He pressed the end button and turned his attention to the other man. "Hey, _Łukasz_."

Lukas felt himself blush at the name for some godforsaken reason and offered a smile. "Hey, Miro. Come on in."

He turned around and took a step before Miro caught his wrist.

 

"Lukas, wait. We--I think we need to talk."

 

***

 

Thomas chose that exact moment to wandered in. "Hey, Lukas. We're going out to lunch. Do you--oh. Sorry, I didn't know you have a guest."

Lukas watched as Miro's expression retreated back to guarded politeness. "Hello, are you Lukas' new neighbors?" Miro asked politely. "Uh, yeah. Hi, I'm Thomas."

They shook hands and Lukas could've sworn that he saw Thomas blushed.

"So, um, Manu and I are going to lunch, do you guys want to join us?" he asked, a bit shy.

Lukas exchanged a look with Miro and nodded. "Yeah. Just give us five minutes."

"We'll wait for you downstairs," Manuel said, appearing suddenly behind Thomas.

He ushered Thomas out, his eyes glanced at Miro and Lukas, a peculiar expression in his eyes that Lukas can't quite decipher.

Lukas shut the door, Miro hovering behind him. "I have to take a shower," Lukas said. "Make yourself comfortable."

For a moment, Miro looked like he was going to refuse. But he set his jaw and retrieved a beer from the kitchen before settling into the couch.

Lukas showered as fast as he could, and glanced around before he put on his clothes. He must've been very tired yesterday, his brains playing tricks on him. There's no floating man in three-piece suit. There's no such thing as ghosts.

He walked out and see Miro observing him from the couch. He smiled at Lukas, somewhat nervously. "Hey, _Łukasz_."

"Hey, Miroslav," Lukas replied. "So. What do you want to talk about?"

Miro looked away, fidgeting with the edge of his shirt. Lukas raised an eyebrow and sat on the wooden coffee table opposite him. "Miro?"

"I think you should see a therapist," Miro blurted out. He seemed to have tried to say it as fast as he could, so it came out like _Ithinkyoushouldseeatherapist_.

Lukas blinked. "Excuse me?"

Miro sighed and raised his gaze to meet his. "Remember when I told you about my friend Olivier? He's a psychiatrist and I think you should have a chat with him. Especially after...you know." He gave Lukas a pointed look before he continued. "Look, Lukas. I'm worried about you. Per is worried about you. Even _Mes_ is worried about you, for god's sake, and the only thing he worries about is his ridiculous hair and Arsenal's rank in the Premier League."

Lukas tried to control his breathing, like his mother taught him when he was little. _Close your eyes, Luki, and count to ten._ He made it to six before he lost it.

"You have _no_ right," he said between gritted teeth. "You have _no right_ to do this." He saw Miro opened his mouth and quickly silenced him with a look. "Don't. Just don't, Miro."

He walked away and stared at the window.

"I'm just trying to help."

"Well, you could stop now."

Lukas heard him sigh before he walked out.

 

***

 

Lukas took a few minutes to compose himself before walking downstairs to meet Thomas and Manuel.

They were talking in hushed tones before Thomas saw him and elbowed Manu. The blond yelped in pain before he rubbed his side. "Damn it, Thomas. Watch where you point that thing," he hissed.

"Sorry," Thomas said without any trace of apology. He grinned at Lukas before putting an arm on his shoulder.

"Are you ready to have the best pizza you've ever had in your life _ever_?"

 

 ***

 

It _was_ the best pizza of his life _ever_. Lukas told them as much between the bites of his third slice.

Thomas grinned at his words. "Told you."

"Manners, Thomas. Don't talk with your mouth full," Manu complained.

Thomas audibly swallowed before sticking out his tongue. "Whatever. Stop calling me Thomas, you sound like my mother."

Lukas laughed heartily, amused by the two's banter. He drank his beer before he turned to Manuel. "So Manuel, how long have you babysit him for?"

Thomas grumbled out a protest while Manuel chuckled. "All my life, really. We grew up together. You see how he is, he needs someone to take care of him."

Thomas rolled his eyes and stole some fries from Manuel's plate. "Yeah, yeah. My hero." He looked at Lukas and his face turned sheepish. "What about you? What's the deal with you and that other guy?"

"Miro?" Lukas eyebrows shot up, feeling uneasy all of the sudden. "We're old friends."

"Just friends?" Thomas said in disbelief. "Huh. I could've sworn--"

"Thomas," Manuel warned.

"Right. Sorry. I have 'no brain-to-mouth filter,'" Thomas said, complete with exaggerated air quotes. "He's cute, though. He looks like one of those actors in your old movies, Manu."

Lukas felt his chest tighten and felt annoyed all of a sudden. It took him a moment to realize that Thomas was talking to him. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I asked you if he's seeing anyone right now?" Thomas asked casually. "He seems like a nice person. If anything, he'd be an upgrade from my ex."

"Everyone's an upgrade from Gomez," Manu snorted. Thomas lifted his beer. "Amen to that."

Thomas' eyes gazed away absentmindedly at the window. Without his goofy, wolfish grin, he looked so much older and with an air of weariness surrounding him.

Lukas sent Manuel a questioning look. Manuel just shook his head slightly and nudged Thomas with his shoulder. "Hey, don't think about that asshat. You're better off without him."

"Yeah," Thomas sighed. He turned his attention to Lukas, smiling apologetically. "Sorry about the soap opera moment."

Lukas shrugged. "I've seen worse."

 

***

 

Lukas said goodbye to Thomas and Manuel, promising that he'd join them at the game that weekend.

He walked into his flat and locked the door behind him. He took in his surroundings completely for the first time since he moved in.

The furniture was nice, sophisticated yet still having that charming rustic vibe about it, something that screamed _Lukas_ , yet undoubtedly picked out by Miro. There's a lot of books stored on the shelves, along with the occasional photographs.

There was one of him with his family back in Cologne, right before he moved to London. There was one of him and Miro, laughing at something Per said in Trafalgar Square. There was even one of him and his assistant Mes in front of the Emirates Stadium.

There's none of hers, though.

It was like everyone was trying their best to forget about her, trying to get rid of her traces, of the fact that she _was_ there but she wasn't anymore.

But Lukas still remembered every single detail about her, as if trying to forget only enhanced his memories.

He still remembered how she used to smile, how she used to dance around the kitchen, her favorite French band softly playing in the background. If he closed his eyes and concentrate hard enough, he could still recall the sound of her laughter.

He walked into his room and sat on the edge of his bed. He opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out a small box. He traced the edge for a moment, hesitating to open it.

When he finally did, the diamond on the ring reflected the afternoon sunlight perfectly. It still shone beautifully, as beautiful as it did on the day it captured his attention.

He remembered how happy she was when he presented the ring to her, they were sitting on the swingset in a park near their apartment. How her voice broke when she said yes.

Lukas closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

 

***

 

He didn't realize he had fallen asleep. His hand still clutching the small diamond ring on his palm.

He twirled the ring in his fingers, feeling a phantom press on where his own ring used to be, and losing himself in his thoughts.

In the end, he pressed 3 on his speed dial and waited. It took five rings for the line to be picked up.

"Hey. I thought about what you said. I'll go."

 

***

 

Olivier's office was located in a quiet neighborhood on the outskirts of Munich. It was a two-story brownstone house in front of a small park. Lukas could hear the sound of children laughing when he exited the cab.

He took a deep breath before he climbed up the stairs. Every single cell in his body was telling him to run, but he did his best to ignore it while he pressed the intercom once he made it to the door.

_"Yes?"_

"I have an appointment? My name is Lukas Podolski and I'm here to see Dr. Giroud."

The intercom was turned off before he even finished speaking and the door in front of him opened.

"You're right on time, Mr. Podolski," a voice greeted him warmly. A man walked out, dressed impeccably in suit and tie, making Lukas uncomfortable in his own hoodie and jeans. "Dr. Giroud would appreciate that very much."

Lukas followed the man into the house, walking down the dimly lit hallway, adorned with beautiful paintings. He could see why he and Miro were friends, they both obviously have a great taste in art.

It was a thing that attracted Lukas to Miro in the first place. His editor showed him Miro's photos for the magazine, and it was the most mundane things, yet Miro somehow find a way to make it seemed beautiful. Miro was always able to find the good in everything, and everyone.

He didn't deserve the way Lukas has been treating him.

"Here we are."

They stopped in front of a wooden double door, the man smiled at him politely before stepping forward and knocked on the door. "Dr. Giroud? There's a Mr. Podolski here to see you."

Lukas heard something being shouted in French and the man sighed, fishing a key from his pocket. He opened the door and stepped aside, allowing Lukas to came in.

The room was filled with an incredible smell of grilled fish, coming from the kitchen on their left, but the man only sighed and close the door behind him.

"Dr. Giroud, you're going to set off the smoke detector again," he called out loudly. There's only a laugh in return, and a man appeared from their left, holding a mug, wearing an expensive-looking sweater and khakis. He wouldn't look out of place in one of those hipster coffee shop Mes liked to go to back in London.

"Don't worry, Rambo, I turned the damn thing off." He smiled and the other man rolled his eyes. "I told you to stop calling me that."

"That's why you wear that ridiculous suit?" Giroud retorted. "Excuse you, this suit is _Armani_. And don't call me Rambo, for god's sake."

Giroud shrugged. "Eh, suit yourself." He turned his attention to Lukas, who had been quietly observing their interaction in the background, and the humor in his eyes turned into something more reserved, calculated. Lukas squirmed under his gaze, trying to ease the uneasiness that he felt from being observed so openly.

"Olli, this is--"

"Lukas Podolski. Nice to finally meet you." Dr. Giroud held out his hand. "My name is Olivier Giroud."

 

***

 

Dr. Giroud--or Olli, as he preferred, turned out to be quite alright. He had a vast collection of tea, which Lukas appreciated, and he smiled a lot, which Lukas _really_ appreciated. His teeth are extremely neat, paired that with his dimples and Lukas was _gone_. That is, if Olli was not his psychiatrist, of course, because that would be inappropriate.

They're in the kitchen, Olli was preparing them tea. He had chamomile from Lukas' favorite English brand.

"So, Lukas, would you like to tell me why you're here?" he asked politely. He was smiling, but Lukas can see that he's watching him, observing every minor change in his demeanor.

"Miro asked me to. He thinks that I needed help." Lukas looked straight at him. Olli smiled, the first genuine one he gave Lukas since he walked in. "You disagree," he said, a statement, rather than a question.

Lukas shrugged. "I feel fine."

"No, you're not. You feel weary, tired, burdened," he said calmly. Lukas raised his eyebrows. "You hunch your shoulder," Olli said, in answer to Lukas' silent question.

"You can tell all of that by the hunch of my _shoulder_?" Lukas said in disbelief. Olli just shrugged and handed Lukas a mug. "Do you take sugar?"

"Three. And some milk, too, if you have any." Olli scrunched up his nose. “Who takes chamomile with _milk_?”

"I do."

Olli shrugged and gave him his tea. He directed them to a spacious living room, the walls filled with various paintings and photographs, but there was one that caught Lukas' attention.

He walked towards it, his hand reached out, almost touching the picture.

"Where did you get this?" His voice was barely above a whisper. He felt Olivier behind him, way too close for Lukas' liking, but he couldn't move.

"This? Miro gave it to me as a gift. Beautiful, isn't it?"

It was. And Lukas still remembered when it was taken. It was a beautiful day in May. They told Miro that they were getting married. Miro had laughed and hugged them tightly. "Took you long enough!" he exclaimed between the laughter.

And then he took that picture.

"Hey, Lukas? Everything alright?"

Olivier's voice brought him back to the present. Lukas gritted his teeth, his free hand touching the bandage on his temple. "Yeah. Everything's swell."

 

***

He didn't push Lukas to talk, which Lukas appreciate immensely. They talk about regular things instead, how Lukas was settling in, which paper or magazine he's going to apply to, and Olivier even offered to help him to find a job.

"Alright, time's up. Unless there's something more that you want to talk about?"

Lukas shook his head. "Nope."

"In any case, here's my card. Feel free to call me anytime. Especially if there's free food involved."

"Free food? I'm pretty sure you have an original Monet in your goddamn _hallway_."

Olli laughed and put an arm around Lukas shoulder as he walked him out.

 

***

 

Weeks passed by in a blur. Lukas managed to find a job, thanks to Olli and Miro's help, at one of Germany's top football magazine. The job came with several perks, which included seasonal pass at the Allianz Arena. He went to the games regularly, with Thomas and Manu, sometimes Miro or Olli would tag along with him.

He established a comfortable routine, and after a while he started to feel like home.

He would grab lunch with Miro almost everyday, Miro would delight him with the weird things he saw that day, and asking his opinions on his photographs. He would hang out with Thomas and Manu after work, mostly staying in and play FIFA (which, Lukas delighted to know, Manu incredibly sucked at). Sometimes their friends would tag along, Lukas even joining their merciless tease whenever Manu and Christoph would share the same breathing space. Miro would join them, once in a while, much to Thomas' delight. He had a crush on Miro, Lukas knew, and Miro would humor him most of the time, which would make Lukas' chest tightened mysteriously.

Olivier helped, too. Lukas' session is on Mondays and Wednesdays, but sometimes Olli would take him out on the weekends, showing him the city and took him to various small restaurants that he happened to stumbled upon that week.

He supposed it could count as a date, but he tried not to think about it too much. He still hasn't told him about the whole incident, but Lukas thought he had a pretty good idea about what happened.

But he liked Olli. He liked his easy smile and his smartass comments. He liked his blue eyes and his dimples and the way he would sometimes call him pet names in French. He liked him. A lot.

But he couldn't. Shouldn't. His nightmares still occurred, not as often but it's there, and there's still a gaping hole in his heart, slowly starting to heal, but he knew that he's a mess. And he can't drag anyone to deal with his shit, not right now, at least.

 

***

 

"Luuukas!"

Thomas bursted through the door and tripped over his own foot rather spectacularly. Lukas sighed from where he was sitting on the couch, watching the Lion King.

"Thomas," Lukas said exasperatedly. "Stop barging through my door. The key is for _emergencies_ only." He tried to put as much emphasis as he could on the word _emergencies_.

Lukas gave Thomas and Manu each a spare key to his apartment a few weeks ago. He's starting to regret that decision the second time Thomas broke in at 2 am, because he lost his own key for the umpteenth time. In hindsight, he should've seen this coming.

"But this _is_ an emergency!" Thomas cried out dramatically, pulling himself up and walked to the living room. He plopped down on the couch next to Lukas. "Why are you watching The Lion King?"

"Because I don't want to watch garbage reality shows," Lukas replied. "Besides, this is an excellent movie."

"Damn right it is."

Thomas was quiet for the entire song about the bird's morning report. But as soon as it ended he got up and went to the kitchen.

"Do you have any beer?" he called out.

"It's two in the afternoon." Lukas sighed when Thomas walked in. "I pity your liver."

"You sound like my mother," Thomas said, his expression sour. "And Manuel. Which is kinda like a package-deal."

Thomas offered him a sip, which Lukas refused with a sigh. Thomas raised his eyebrows. "What's up with all the sighing, honestly?"

"It's called the Thomas Müller Effect," Lukas countered. "Olli confirmed it."

"Olli, huh?" Thomas wiggled out his eyebrows exaggeratedly which made Lukas' cheeks colored. "How are things with Dr. Sexy?"

"First of all, don't call him Dr. Sexy," Lukas said, his entire face warm. "You know how he is, if his head gets any bigger it'd explode."

"Second," Lukas continued, louder when he saw Thomas opening his mouth. "Olli is my doctor. I can't date him."

"And when did you come to that conclusion? After date number ten?" Thomas scoffed.

"Fuck off." Lukas rolled his eyes. "You're the one to talk. What about your 'lunch dates' with Miroslav? He's been blowing me off all week."

Thomas had been shadowing Miro for a few weeks now, for some assignment in his photography class. Hearing that, Miro kindly offered his services, which Thomas agreed to eagerly. He didn't shut up about Miro's brilliance for an entire week. Manu seemed oddly jealous of him, telling everyone to fuck off with a scary expression every time someone tease him about it.

"It's going well, actually. He said my pictures are quite good," Thomas replied calmly. "And I might've asked him out today."

He said it almost nonchalantly, like it was no big deal, but he smiled brighter than Lukas had ever seen him. His chest tightened, something crawling unpleasantly on his heart.

"Did you, now?" Lukas muttered, plastering a smile. "What did he say?"

"Well, I asked him to come to our Halloween party next week, but he said he had this event with _GQ_ that he can't miss. But he said he'll swing by." He studied Lukas' expression for a bit before he thrummed his fingers nervously. "Is that okay with you?"

"Of course it is, why do you even had to ask?" Lukas said, trying to be as casual as possible. Mufasa is getting trampled to death on the screen, and he detachedly thought he could relate.

"I don't know, you two are close. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Thomas took a big gulp of his beer. "I like him."

Lukas didn't say a word.

 

***

 

Thomas went home after the movie, after somewhat drunkenly singing along to the entire thing. The boy was a lightweight, it's a mystery to everyone who know him, considering how much alcohol he consumed everyday.

Lukas took out the DVD from the player and put it in the box. It was a special anniversary edition, and there's a writing in front of it in gold marker: _Good_ _luck_ _on_ _your_ _exams! Hakuna Matata :) -M_

She gave it to him during his final exams, a few years ago. They had dated for a couple of months, and she liked to gave him little presents, whether it's a sandwich, a mix CD, an old vinyl, or a book from the flea market. She would attach notes to it, something funny or uplifting, and gave it with a kiss.

Lukas sat down on the floor and hugged himself, the apartment suddenly too big for him alone. It's cold, nearing the end of October in Munich. He pulled his knees up to his chest, finding it hard to breathe.

He didn't know how long he stayed like that. Miroslav found him some hours later and took him to bed. He wrapped his arms around Lukas, the younger man's head on his chest.

"What's wrong?" Miro asked softly, pressing a light kiss on his hair. "I thought this had stopped. Olli helped you, didn't he?"

Lukas nodded weakly. Miro started to stroke his hair. It felt nice.

"You haven't told him, have you?" Miro asked, his tone still light. Lukas shook his head, burying his face deeper in Miro's chest. "Oh, Lukas," Miro sighed.

He continued to stroke Lukas's hair, the motion slowly lulling the younger man to sleep.

 

***

 

Lukas stared at his own reflection in the mirror, frowning. He's wearing a goddamn _cape_. It was purple, made out of fucking _velvet_. God, the things he does for his friends.

Thomas, for some reason, think that it would be fitting for Lukas to dress up as Count Dracula. Thomas, of course, dressed up as a pirate, or, as he so eloquently put it, a _pale_ - _ass German_ _Jack_ _Sparrow_.

"Yo, Lukas, Mülli's looking for you."

David's head popped out. "Nice cape," he said, grinning ear-to-ear. His eyes gleamed underneath the ungodly amount of eyeliners.

"Thanks," Lukas replied dryly. "What's up with your eyes? I thought we were supposed to grew out of our emo phase in middle school."

"Ha-ha, that's hilarious. It's for my costume." He walked in and Lukas really couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. David was shirtless, except for the bright yellow _sequined_ vest. He did a little twirl. "I'm a sexy genie. I look super hot, don't I?"

"Sure. Whatever you say." Lukas gave his hair a last tug before he wrapped his arm around David's shoulder and steered him out of his room. "What did Mülli want, anyway?"

"I don't know, last I saw him he was whining about your friend Miroslav to Manu," David replied. Lukas rolled his eyes. "Manu must've _loved_ that."

They walked together to Thomas' apartment, the host lying upside-down on the couch, laughing maniacally at something some guy said. The place was packed, mostly filled with guys from Thomas' uni.

"Where's your friend?" Manu said, somewhat cynically, appearing out of nowhere. "Thomas had been asking for him for the last hour."

David patted Lukas' back in sympathy before moving away to blend in with the crowd. Lukas shrugged nervously. Manuel might be one of the sweetest, kindest man he knew, but right now he'd rather be anywhere but in his friend's presence. He looked like he could kill a man with a single glare.

"Look," Manu sighed, his expression softened. "I just don't want him to get hurt. His last relationship ended really badly, and I don't know if he can recover if he gets hurt again."

Lukas repressed a chuckle and settled for a reassuring smile instead, because _really_ , when has Miroslav ever hurt anyone?

"Miro won't hurt him," Lukas said firmly. "I promise, on my life."

Manu was about to reply when Thomas crashed into him with a loud _oomph_. Manu caught him just in time before he landed face-first onto the floor.

"Jesus, Thomas. How much did you drink?" Manu grumbled. "I thought Holgi was supposed to keep an eye on you."

"I think he's making out with some guy in the bathroom," Thomas said, only slurring half his words, Lukas was impressed. "I want to make out with someone, too."

He pouted and frowned at Manu, pointing his finger at the taller man's face. "Not you, though."

"No shit, Horseboy. Come on, it's bed time." Manu dragged Thomas away to his bedroom, unfazed by the younger man's protests.

 

***

 

The party surprisingly ended about half an hour before midnight, after Manu caught some guy trying to set a fire in the bathroom.

He threw the culprit out, the others quickly followed suit, intimidated by Manu's demeanor, even their friends. He's in a foul mood tonight. Lukas saw Christoph giving Manu a hug and a kiss on the cheek before he went home.

Lukas leaned at the counter, eyeing the mess the party left behind. "You should've asked them to clean up the place."

Manu rolled his eyes at the remark. He sat down on the couch and frowned. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Lukas fetched two bottles of beer and sat down next to the blond. "Rough night?"

"You could say that," Manu said slowly, peeling the label off his bottle. "I hate Halloween."

"Why?"

Manu took a sip and seemed to contemplate his answer. "It's complicated." He eyed Lukas, looking somewhat nervous. "Are you free tomorrow? There's something I need to talk to you about."

"Sure," Lukas replied. "But we're here now, why do you want to wait?"

"I don't want to talk about it tonight." Something in his voice sent shivers down Lukas' spine. "And I don't think I'm as sober as I think I am, and it's not a conversation I would like to do drunk."

"If you say so." Lukas shrugged.

They finished their beer quite quickly and started to clean up the apartment. There's a surprising amount of glitter in the carpet which Lukas found hilarious and Manu especially annoying.

Lukas made his way to the narrow hallway in front of Thomas' bedroom when he heard some muffled sounds.

He raised an eyebrow. Thomas was supposed to be alone in there, Manu made sure of it. Curiosity got to the better of him and he opened the door quietly.

 

Lukas froze.

The room was dark, except for the light that emitted from some candles that is placed on the floor, the fire dancing wildly. There's a circle of wax on the floor, some weird symbols painted inside it with what Lukas hoped was red paint.

Thomas was crying on the bed, his body rocked with sobs muttering apologies to the figure standing in the middle of the room. He's hugging his knees, back against the wall, looking absolutely terrified.

The figure turned when he heard Lukas' gasp. It was a man, dressed in an all-black attire. He was incredibly handsome with his dark hair and piercing blue eyes and his high cheekbones. But there's something wicked in his expression, something cruel in the way his eyes lighted up when he saw Lukas.

"And who's this, dear?" he said, his voice scratchy like it hasn't been used for a long time. His tone was sweet but it sounded so _wrong_. "Another guy that you fuck around with behind my back?"

Thomas whimpered and shook his head vigorously. "I never - Mario, please."

The man - Mario - strode, no, _floated_ towards Thomas. He cradled the blond's head and pressed their forehead together. He whispered something to Thomas' ear, but they were too far away for Lukas to actually hear anything.

Thomas' body goes rigid, his face completely paled. He looked at Mario, eyes shining with tears. Mario kissed his forehead and stood up.

"No, Mario, _please_. I'm sorry," Thomas pleaded, trying to reach the man, but his hands couldn't seem to hold him.

The room temperature dropped suddenly, the candles flickered out by the sudden gust of wind. Lukas stood frozen by the door.

Mario _glowed_. Actually, fucking  _glowed_. He grinned wickedly as he made his way towards Lukas.

"You're going to die, now," he said gleefully.

Lukas took a step back.

 

***

 

Several things happened at once.

The door was yanked open and a flood of light immediately lit up the room. Manu barge in, yanking Lukas back, practically throwing him onto the hallway. He yelled out something that sounded an awful lot like Latin, his hand holding a silver flask.

Mario screamed at Manu, Thomas dropped to the floor behind him.

Manu splashed the water from the silver flask at Mario and he screamed loudly before he disappeared into thin air. Manu quickly walked over to the bed and shook Thomas' body, calling out his name desperately.

The last thing Lukas saw before everything goes dark was a man in a suit and soft green eyes, crouching down to check on him.

 

_"Lukas?"_

 

~

**Author's Note:**

> whoa.  
> huge, huge thank you to bianca for being my beta. v echte liebe.
> 
> this story is still on progress so any kudos/comments/concrit/suggestions is very much appreciated!
> 
> i'm on [tumblr](http://www.acciothirteen.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/acciothirteen).


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